Not What I Seem, by Abigail Dowd

Not What I Seem

by Abigail Dowd

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1.	Wiregrasser 02:47	lyrics	buy track
I belong to no one The rocky shoal beneath the pines is where I come from And I can still hear my mama calling Come sundown boy you make your way back home From the wiregrass of Alabama Down in Andalusia is where I get my name I worked this land just like my daddy Hands like leather and I’m mean as those blades Cause I’m a wiregrasser chippin’ down the pines There’s no more blackbelt prairie Only pitch, tar, and turpentine Well I grew up from the ashes Sand in my shoes and pine sap running through my veins I’ve got catface carved in my sides Oh and no amount of prayer will save my life Cause I’m a wiregrasser chippin’ down the pines There’s no more blackbelt prairie Only pitch, tar, and turpentine We cut em down, we bled them dry, we worked them to the bone Stomped out the devil’s fire and prayed that God would save our souls I still hear mama calling, but heaven Is the only place left to call my home God bless my soul Cause I’m a wiregrasser chippin’ down the pines There’s no more blackbelt prairie Only pitch, tar, and turpentine
2.	The Other Side 04:16	lyrics	buy track
I don’t know nothing about love When it comes around I run And I don’t know a thing about your pain This skin of mine has grown so tough I hold on to the stories that they tell me I haven’t got that much else I try to give a little here and there when I’m able But I mostly look out for myself And the old man on the corner says go on Have it your way try to make it on your own When you get to heaven there’ll be plenty of heartache Cause there won’t be no one there you know I know a thing or two about guys like you You’re an open book I can read your eyes You laugh and tell me how you know so much about me But you don’t know I’m the master of disguise And the old man on the corner says go on Have it your way try to make it on your own When you get to heaven there’ll be plenty of heartache Cause there won’t be no one there you know Sometimes it’s lonelier than midnight on the run It gets so dark round here I’ve lost sight of the sun But I know my way home In the middle of this highway I’ve been traveling Double yellow lines say don’t cross I don’t go breaking rules for nothing But sometimes I think I’d be better off On the other side Before you go remember Be sure you always say goodbye Hug your mama and tell her that you love her And tell those boys you never even tried And the old man on the corner says go on Have it your way try to make it on your own When you get to heaven there’ll be plenty of heartache Cause there won’t be no one there you know
3.	Old White House 03:45	lyrics	buy track
I’ve been running all my life But it never crossed my mind That some folks take it slow And make it farther down the road But I never even made it down the drive I’ve been a fighter all my life But it never crossed my mind That I can’t forget the hands The first touch of a man And I can hurt you while you look me in the eye There’s an old white house in the countryside And it’s time I turned around To go back for that girl inside Tell her we’re alright And hold her tight Alone, I spend my time But it never crossed my mind That I took all the blame And I have carried all the shame And I’m terrified you’ll see it in my eyes I’m going back to make it right Cause it’s been on my mind For thirty years or more She’s been pounding on the door Hoping someone else would hear her silent cry But I’m the only one who ever hears here cry There’s an old white house in the countryside And it’s time I turned around To go back for that girl inside Tell her we’re alright And hold her tight
4.	Not What I Seem 02:43	lyrics	buy track
When you look my way what do you see A painted canvas of me Or an upside down beauty in black and white The kind of girl you'd like to find prowling your streets tonight I am not what I seem And I'm not as lovely as you'd like me to be I don't want to live forever, it’s not a price I'll pay To stand and be admired while my life slips away Like Ophelia in the water you'll stand and gaze upon her while she drowns And then comment on her beauty as if it was her duty to please your eye And make you feel something inside I am not what I seem And I'm not as lovely as you'd like me to be Always running in circles, right back to the past Desperate, determined the next love will last And wondering why, as time passes by I still can’t find words for the thoughts on my mind I am not what I seem And I'm not as lovely as you'd like me to be I am not what I seem And I'm not as lovely as you'd like me to be
5.	Chosin 04:37	lyrics	buy track
I’ve been on a journey I’ve crossed mountains and walked to the sea And I’ve slept among the weary All those other broken souls just like me I’ve travelled along ancient walls Miles and miles I have roamed But no matter how far I go A stone cold wall don’t lead you home Oh no, a stone cold wall won’t lead you home I feel a war it’s raging deep down inside But something tells me this fight isn’t really mine A war child never drops his gun or leaves a man behind I remember looking for a smile and meeting cold steel eyes They thanked you for your service sent you home, and put us on the front line A war child never drops his gun or leaves the field behind Hagaru-ri Like a pilgrimage up an ox trail, one-lane wide But God had left that mountain for the winter before you arrived But a war child never drops his gun and he never leaves the line You said only a coward would ever run to hide So stand and fight you fool cause no one’s gonna make it out alive War child, how many of these wounds of yours are mine I’m gonna stand and fight until I break this line Hagaru-ri I’ve been on a journey I’ve crossed mountains and walked to the sea
6.	Goodbye Hometown 05:02	lyrics	buy track
I packed my bags the other day and swore I’d never find my way this way again I drove a thousand miles north up through the mountains And left my world behind I never knew what it meant to be a Southern belle ‘Till I crossed that Dixie line and said farewell Goodbye peaches Goodbye sweet magnolia blossoms in the summertime Goodbye to the whip-o-will singing sweetly in the night among the longleaf pines Goodbye stranger, one who’ll pass you on the street Every time he’ll greet you with a smile Goodbye hometown and everyone I’ve ever known I settled in New England where the winter sky is grey and full of snow And traded in my bare feet for snow shoes and long walks in the cold But these winter nights get lonely sometimes up here And I think of all the ones that I’ve held dear Goodbye peaches Goodbye sweet magnolia blossoms in the summertime Goodbye to the whip-o-will singing sweetly in the night among the longleaf pines Goodbye stranger, one who’ll pass you on the street Every time he’ll greet you with a smile Goodbye hometown and everyone I’ve ever known There’s something about these old country towns in the north That reminds me of my grandpa’s music store I’ve got his old guitar with me to play once in awhile Makes the miles not seem so far Perhaps the best way to be grateful for the people in your life Is to know what it’s like when their not near Goodbye peaches Goodbye sweet magnolia blossoms in the summertime Goodbye to the whip-o-will singing sweetly in the night among the longleaf pines Goodbye stranger, one who’ll pass you on the street Every time he’ll greet you with a smile Goodbye hometown and everyone I’ve ever loved
7.	Oh 95 04:19	lyrics	buy track
Not so long ago I grew up in the south Suntanned and high on being young But the carefree life doesn't last forever Sweet air won't mask grey skies and I grew up I let my heart grow cold and found a shell to hide And learned to find my friends up in the sky Wishing on a star that I could fly away Find some quiet place to keep me warm at night Oh 95, take me where this highway ends Erase my memories and let me start again Along the coast where my tears can feed the ocean And snow will be my blanket when I'm cold I thought I'd be alright if learned to live alone till I grew old But the coldest sky is cloudless and blue When you're all alone you speak the truth Watching waves crash on the ocean, ships of friends weren't far behind Flasks of laughter cured my heartache over time Oh 95, take me where this highway ends We'll make new memories in good company of friends Along the coast, we'll watch ships sail on the ocean From rocks carved with secrets never told On your shores I thought I'd be alright till I grew old In the spring I dreamt of dogwoods and pines And couldn't shake the Southland from my mind When I woke these shores looked different, like a mooring in a storm And something called me from the shores where I was born Oh 95, take me where this highway ends We've made good memories in the company of friends Along the coast, I'll cast my ship out on the ocean From rocky shores that sheltered me from cold I'll sail for home but I’ll remember you till I grow old
8.	Desire 03:32	lyrics	buy track
There’s something burning deep inside I can see it in his eyes First saw the flicker When he was three years old The preacher said he’d grow up tall And be the bravest of us all He’d fight the devil And his own desires Oh and mama’s on her knees tonight She says hold that ground beneath him tight You bring those boys home alright And call her in the morning Out on the darkest road I know He’s out there looking for the glow Of the fire He can feel it in his soul He’ll lead them through a wall of flames No doubt, no questioning, no pain He’ll fight the blaze Till the cold air chills his bones Oh the devil he’s in rare form tonight But he’s going down, he’s going down You bring those boys home alright And call mama in the morning He grew up tall he grew up strong He’s seen the worst kinds of wrong But he’ll chase the devil Straight into the fire Oh and mama’s on her knees tonight She says hold that ground beneath him tight You bring those boys home alright And call her in the morning
9.	To Have A Friend (Dog's Song) 03:48	lyrics	buy track
The choir is singing Joy to the World But there’s no joy left in my heart It’s just another silent night all alone Another night in the dark Do you ever wonder what it’s like to have a friend I’ve been locked out, locked up I tried to make it on my own I thought I’d found a place that I could finally call my home But everywhere I turn keeps leading to the same Cage where I first started No one even knows my name Do you ever wonder what it’s like to have a friend Some folks count their money But I just count my time And time is running out on me I guess I’ll never find Someone who can see All the good in me Even when I lose my way they’ll let me in to stay Do you ever wonder what it’s like to have a friend When the darkness finally wins You can feel it rolling in And you never had the chance to show the world who you are When the lights have all gone out No one even knows you’re there And you never had the chance to give all you had to share Do you ever wonder what it’s like to have a friend
10.	Drag Me Down 04:04	lyrics	buy track
I heard that you’re back in town I hope you don’t call I’d just let you down again I’m glad to know that you’re okay I’m doing fine It’s better this way Cause you always dragged me down And you were no good with me around I’ve finally got myself together And I am okay never ever seeing you again I heard she broke your heart Sent you on your way Is that why you’re here I guess nothing’s changed And I hear she looked like me Well I’m the me I used to be I’ve finally got it all together And I am okay never ever seeing you again Well I’m not the girl you used to know And I threw out all the lines you wrote I’ve finally got myself together And I am okay never ever seeing you again Well I’m out here all alone Just fine on my own And I am okay never seeing you again
11.	Secrets on the Street 03:44	lyrics	buy track
Florence let me go It was so long ago but you still haunt me I can still see your eyes Watching like a spy Do you see me And the secrets on the street I wonder do you keep or do you tell Black line of cypress lead the way Olive branches called my name to Florence And the almond scented breezes cast their spell How do you know me so well Your ancient gates were open wide Inviting me inside Your cathedrals and towers Are the keepers of the secrets that you hold And they lure in the seekers Who come admire your beauty from below But in the shadows you will find Only echoes of footsteps behind you Murderers and poets come to claim you And you let them in They will bring you all their fortunes and they’ll fame you Then you banish them After you captivate their souls Oh Florence what makes you so stone cold Well I came to find what’s mine But I left my heart behind in Florence And the farther that I go The louder you whisper I know And the secrets on the street I wonder do you keep or do you tell
12.	Daredevil 03:03	lyrics	buy track
Last time I saw him he was sitting on a rooftop He was on top of the world Smile on his face and his friends by his side And on his arm he had his girl He said hey friends I’m alright I’ve been traveling the world I’m really living it up right Having the time of my life We didn’t know we were saying goodbye For the last time that night Just like a summer storm cloud rolling in Or the way a bird take to the sky He’s saying let me be the devil on your shoulder I’m daring you to live Let this short life of mine Remind you just how sweet it is Let me be the devil on your shoulder I’m daring you to live Let this sweet life of mine Remind you just how short it is Let me be the devil on your shoulder I’m daring you to live Let this short life of mine Remind you just how sweet it is
13.	Sweet Love 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Every song has been written Every tune has been sung But there’s no one listening to anyone Something is missing Something’s gone wrong When we’re all still singing The same fighting songs I want to sing a song that’s only word is love Sweet love Sweet love Let go of your sorrows Stop casting the blame Let’s take back tomorrow Don’t give it away Walk without knowing All the words to your song And make up the tune As you go along I want to sing a song that’s only word is love Sweet love Sweet love Now is not the time for I told you so It’s time we let all that go Shine light on the shadows That keep us apart And break down all the pretty castles You’ve built around our hearts When you hear someone singing When they’re sharing their song Can you listen without judging which side they’re on I want to sing a song that’s only word is love Sweet love Sweet love Sweet love Sweet love
14.	Silent Pines 02:15	lyrics	buy track
Can you hear the pines whispering Can you hear the silence in between These words I speak to you It’s there you’ll find the meaning of this place Come on children rise up Don’t let em tear you down Come on children rise up Don’t let em tear down Can you hear the branches strum their refrain Rise up to heaven tall above the flames And stronger than the wounds that bleed them dry Stronger than you or I Come on children rise up Don’t let em tear you down Come on children rise up Don’t let em tear down Can you hear their silent symphony Be careful there you just might find yourself In the thickness where the oldest pine trees grow They will tell you what your heart already knows Come on children rise up Don’t let em tear you down Come on children rise up They’ll never tear us down

about

Stories... the ones we tell ourselves, the ones we tell others... the ones we make up, the ones we live through... all these stories are our past and our present, our hopes and our fears, our sins and our salvation. They are who we are. And for singer/songwriter Abigail Dowd, they are more than who she is; they are what she does.

On her new album, Not What I Seem, Dowd steps through the looking-glass of not just her own story, but others', as well, positing the notion that, sometimes, all any of us needs or wants is to feel heard and seen. But that hearing and seeing must be unburdened by judgment, if it is to be true. As the Sufi poet Rumi wrote, “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.” To arrive at this place, we must step outside of ourselves, through forgiveness, and into a space that is free from the shackles of shame.

Throughout this song cycle, Dowd takes those steps and tosses aside her own protective veil, so that she might finally know and share herself fully with the world around her. To do so, Dowd takes her cues from her Anthropology studies and zooms out to the bigger picture so that she might see all sides of the story.

In the rough-hewn “Wiregrasser,” she relates the destruction, at the hands of the turpentine industry, of the longleaf pine trees. Meanwhile, in the gently driving “Chosin” tells the tale of her maternal grandfather, who took part in the Battle of Chosin Reservoir in the Korean War. Indeed, Dowd spends a fair bit of Not What I Seem at an arm's length from her subject matter. With its steady, smoldering chug, “Desire” was sparked by a conversation she had with her mother and brother, who is a fireman, while the breezy folk of “The Other Side” offers advice to a friend who needs to take a different tack.

Not What I Seem turns its gaze upon its maker, too, though. In the haunting title track, Dowd casts off the expectations and assumptions about who she is so that she might finally know. Paired on the album and in their themes, “Goodbye Hometown” and “Oh 95” are two sides of the same leaving home coin — one depicting departure, one recounting return.

But one of the most potent moments in the piece is the defiant personal reckoning that is “Old White House.” Call it Dowd's #MeToo moment, if you must, but it's more than that. By sharing these parts of herself, Dowd lets them go. The letting go, however, gave her yet another gift. There was forgiveness, to be sure, but then there was freedom.

With Not What I Seem, perhaps Abigail Dowd's story actually has led her to Rumi's field: “When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about,” he wrote. “Ideas, language, even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense.”

credits

released April 5, 2019

All songs written by Abigail Dowd
Produced by Abigail Dowd and Doug Williams

Engineered and mixed by Doug Williams, ElectroMagnetic Radiation Recorders
Mastered by Brent Lambert, Kitchen Mastering
Photography by
Design by

www.abigaildowd.com

Made with support of the North Carolina Arts Council and the partnering arts councils of the Regional Artist Project Grant Program.

(p)(C) 2018 Abigail Dowd (ASCAP) / All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.

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about

Abigail Dowd Greensboro, North Carolina

Abigail Dowd, who grew up under the longleaf pines in the Sandhills region of North Carolina, is known for her storytelling and command of an audience. She combines her classical fingerpicking style with the edgy bass and percussion of Jason Duff creating a sound that dances between folk, rock and blues. ... more

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